I
You looked at her
and I saw that you had
your special smile.
The smile you have
when you like someone
and I felt left aside
so I went to my own
friend,
that I like and you don't
and forgot about you
and your smile.
II
I smile and laugh at his jokes.
I feel that I have more in common
with him, than with you
and for the minutes I'm with him
I forget about you.
I forget about your pain
Sometimes I even justify
my happiness that I'm worth it
and that he’s only my friend
even when I see how you
crumble before my eyes.
III
My revenge is sweet
and full of deceitful lies.
You didn't want to hurt me
and of course
I didn't want to hurt you.
What a mistake.
What a horrible mistake
to see our acts as features
of a treacherous game
a game of life and death.
IV
My guilt isn't obvious.
I collect it in a box
and put it away
so no one can see it.
I collect the acts
that makes me feel guilty.
My small pleasures
with other men
things you will never know.
Small guilt-ridden pleasures
and the knowledge
that I'm always
on top of you
that I always win.
By © Dolores Meden 2017
